You say I have a blog?

I wanted to start this blog post with all of the reasons that I haven't blogged.  Truth is, there isn't a GOOD reason.  Not really, anyway.  A few days after my last post, I received a call from my attorney.  He told me that I had a court date for the VERY NEXT DAY.  Are you kidding me?  I always thought I would have time to absorb the fact that my marriage was really coming to an end.  I really thought I would get a court date and have a month or so to stress over it before the day arrived.  Not the case.  I had less than 24 hours to think.

I am not sure what I expected, but part of me thought, maybe hoped, that my husband would say, "WAIT, no, this is not what I want."  That did not happen.  When I called him and told him, he basically just said okay.  I am not saying that I wanted him and cheating ways back, but I guess I didn't want it to all be so easy for him.  This was MY marriage, MY family, MY life and it was so easy for him to walk away.  Even when I found he was cheating and professing his love to another woman, I wanted to work it out.  I wanted us to go to counseling, to fix our marriage, to fall in love all over again.  He did not.  I did not believe in divorce, even after it all came out.  I thought we were fixable.  He did not.  He said we could work on it and I tried.  He did not.  Eventually I am the one that said I wanted a divorce and filed.  But only because I was working on our marriage by myself. 

So on January 26th, I went to court with my attorney.  I answered a few questions in front of a judge and just like that my marriage was over.  Wow. 

I returned to work later that morning with a weight off my shoulders.  Yes, there was some sadness, but there was also relief.  That afternoon, someone close to me received news that their sister had committed suicide.  I was with them and had to drive them their mother's house.  The absolute grief and raw emotion was very difficult to witness.  It made my problems seem so insignificant.  I went home that evening absolutely drained. 

I had so many good intentions of getting back on here and filling you all in.  It didn't happen.  There was always some excuse.  And sometimes it seemed silly for me to write about what is bothering me. 

I have so much more to say on this subject of the divorce, the now ex-husband and the grieving that I have been working through the last four months. But I think I should stop for now. Thanks to anyone that has actually read this far.  And of course, I have to write all about my beautiful Baby K.  She is growing so fast and I have many pictures and stories to share.  For now, I will leave you with a couple of pictures from our recent vacation to my Grandmother's.

Much Love,

Cari